8 Nov 2012

Friendships and misunderstandings

Have you ever had misunderstandings with a dear close friend and for some reason or other allowed it to fester, and it gets bloated out of all recognition and instead of a misunderstanding it becomes a full blown quarrel? Well in my younger days I  did have some of these misunderstandings, but normally with my closest friend, that is my sister Laila, a year younger than me. Most of the time it would be over something I said - me and my blabber mouth - and it would have hurt her, something I never intended to happen. The word "sorry" is like glue in my mouth - even though I knew it was my fault, I found it hard to say "I'm sorry". It's the same thing with her - she never says "I'm sorry" too. So we'd just stare daggers at each other and look the other way. 
But that was a long time ago and I suppose can be forgiven because both of us were very young and very proud. 

Today, at this mature age,what do you do when something like that happens? Do you brush it off and pretend it never happened or apologise profusely and hope she or he would be courteous enough to accept your apology and let bygones be bygones? But sometimes, you can apologise and the apology accepted, but the hard feeling still rankles. You can forgive, but forgetting is quite hard, especially if what was said is really hurtful. It is easy to say that at our age what matters is the friendship, but even then there are some dos and don'ts that you just have to follow. Of course one must never allow the ill feeling to fester - the best thing is to  be upfront about it. Tell her that what she said hurts your feelings and then ignore it. Ignoring is not forgetting - you're just sweeping it under the carpet but at least she knows how you feel. The ball is in her court - she can apologise or not. Your act as a friend is after the apology is over, let it be over and forget about it or at least pretend to.

Do you know this verse which I read a long time ago but just can't remember who wrote it? It's called The Poison tree. (Maybe it was Blake)
"I was angry with my friend
I told him so, my wrath did go;
I was angry with my foe
I told him not - my wrath did grow..."


Gattina said...

That's very true. When somebody hurts me I can forgive, but impossible to forget !

naida said...

Human emotions are a complex thing Kat. I know it can be hard to say 'I'm sorry'. When I was younger, I could barely say it, but now that I'm more mature, if I know it will mend a true friendship, I will say the words "I'm sorry."
However, sometimes someone you thought was a friend, really never was one. And then it's best to let them go.
I do know that if you let hard feelings fester, and the more time that passes, the harder it is to forgive and repair a friendship.
And finally, sisters should always try to make ammends, no matter what. There's a special bond with sisters. I have just one sister, and while she drives me crazy, we always seem to forgive and forget. Words are never even needed.

Kat said...

Yes, Naida, its so true. Sisters are special and we never really need to say that word although, hugs and kisses do mend a lot , even broken hearts.
And Gattina, sometimes I'm like that too.