Books again!

Oh yes... how I miss my books. Staying in Malacca, being away from Repin and the best bookshop in Malaysia is hard indeed.Here we only have Popular Bookstores and MPH which are actually not real bookshops (according to my bookaholic daughter Shasha) but beggars can't be choosers can they? So anyway yesterday being an off day for Sarah my other girl, we decided to browse Popular's book shelves. And decided to become a member as well, so that we could get the 20% discount they offer to members. Let me tell you, books are very expensive here in Malaysia, which is one reason why few people can afford to read. And unlike our Singaporian counterparts, we can't rely on the library. Do we even have one in Malacca? I have seen one anyway - in the mall in town. It's quite popular among school students because most of their books are school references and exam papers. But there was nothing worth reading on the fiction shelves and even the magazines were years old! Maybe I should donate some of my books to them.

So I came home with this lot to read - at least it will keep me in books for the next week or two!

New books for this week

I'll keep the J.D Robb for last - because I love Roarke, Eve Dallas' dishy husband! First on my list to read is Sleeping Helena, a spin off from Sleeping Beauty but very very different.I've already started on this book and is half way through... and  oh yes, there are curses and a sleeping beauty but this sleeping beauty is no fairy princess full of love and kindness, because when her aunts gave her the gifts of beauty, intelligence, etc everyone forgot to give her kindness. And she can kill without remorse or pity.

Next to be read will be The Duke is Mine, by Eloisa James. I've never read her yet so will find out whether I like her books or not. But the blurp at the back of the book sounds interesting. I've looked for some fantasy books - but the only ones that can be found here in Malacca are by Rick Riordan and George Martin. So maybe I have to drive to KL one day for books.

Happy Mother's Day

Last week was Mother's Day in the UK I think, and some time in early April it will be Mother's Day over here in Malaysia. Not that we celebrate it as many do, both here and overseas. For me, Mother's Day should be every day. One should remember one's mum all the time and respect her, love her and cherish her. I always tell my friends this, especially when they complain about their ailing and often forgetful mothers. It's not easy I understand - we are busy working people and if we also have to look after an older person who depends a lot on us for everything, then it is hard indeed. Often at this age they are also very forgetful and can be quite demanding. I lost my mum when she was only 58 years old - an age when she should be happy with her grandchildren growing up and her own children all working. But that was not to be. My mum was diagnosed with acute myloid leukemia and just when we were still trying to find out what it was and how to give her enough blood for transfusions, she passed away - exactly one week after she was diagnosed. It seemed that she had the disease for more than 3 months - the fever that would not go away and the lack of appetite were indications that we thought was caused by tiredness and overwork. After her death we all realised how much we depended on her. She was the "glue" that cemented our family together, the reason for coming home to Malacca every week.

Throughout my growing up years my relationship with my mum was very ambivalent. There were times in my teen years when I felt that she was too harsh and strict with me, that I almost hated her. My dad on the other hand was always more understanding, kinder, always praising me for my academic achievements. So I always loved my dad more than my mum and had a closer relationship with him than with her. I could talk to him and joke with him - about so many things - religion, books, astrology, even love. But with my mum our talk mainly extended to what's cooking, what to cook and how to cook it.

However when I got married and moved out of the family home we became closer in a way.  I could ask her about men, about marriage life, about kids. But we seldom had time to actually talk - I was always too busy - forever having workshops that took me away for days on end. I can stil hear her asking me, "When are you coming back to malacca?" And my answer, impatiently, "I'm too busy Mak..."
Then one day she was no longer there and when you call home, there is no voice on the other end asking you how you are, how the children are... and you suddenly realise that you will never again see her... hear her ...and you wish with all your might that you could see her just once more. I would give anything, anything at all to go back to those days and live it all over again and not make the same mistakes.

So I'm telling all this so that my readers, wherever you are, will treat your mothers with the love and care that they deserve so that you will not regret what you did not do for them when they were alive.




my mother in law who was in hospital last month


I am lucky that at least I have a mother in law who loves me. When I gave birth to my children she was the one who stayed at the hospital with me. At that time my own mother was busy looking after my younger sisters so could not leave them behind to look after me. I am the eldest in a family of 14 children! So when I got married at the early age of 21, my sisters were still very young - the youngest was only 4 years old!

Today my mother in law is 82 years old. She can't walk without us helping her and is fast losing her memory too. She will ask the same questions again and again. Sometimes when she loses her things she blames everybody but herself. She calls me whenever she's lonely and asks querilously what day it is. And  I think back to my early marriage days when she was only 40 years old and so capable  that she did everything in the house -  cooked, cleaned, sewed and even accompanied my father in law to work when he was on night duty. A friend once asked me how I can look after her without complaining - and I just say " She looked after me when she was younger; now its my turn."

So Happy Mother's Day Mak. I love you in spite of everything or maybe because of everything. You were always there when I needed help with the kids and you always made sure that my favourite kuih is there when I come home to Malacca. I hope that one day I can be like you.

Long distance relationships

Its not easy maintaining a long distance relationship - with anybody - least of all with family. Our family is in three parts lately - three in Kuala Lumpur ( my husband, eldest girl and second boy); my youngest daughter and I are in Malacca and the third part - sometimes quite painful for me - my eldest boy, his wife and their little girl Sophie who are in Singapore. I have written about Sophie a number of times, about how proud I am of her, how much I miss her and wish I can see her more often. Yes, I miss my husband too - and my eldest girl but at least I see them every week or two. I have not seen Sophia for at least a month now. Singapore may not be far, it is only 4 hours away by road after all. However, distance is not what matters but time, for I am tied down by other considerations, namely Sarah my girl who is now a fresh houseman at the General Hospital in Malacca - seeing to her safety, her food and generally taking care of her. I've missed out on that when she was away studying in Russia for 6 years, so I want to be with her for a while, just mothering her.

As for Sophia, my grand daughter - it just breaks my heart when the last time I visited them in Singapore, she hugged me like she'd never let go and then asked, " Nenek, when are you going back?" So I told her, Monday and she said, counting her fingers, "We only got 3 days nenek!" Quickly her father told her - "But we are visiting nenek in March so we'll see her again,ok?"



Sophie with Pixel



then the impish smile came on and she said happily, "Today for dinner I'm going to sit between Nenek and Auntie Sarah!"

The next day we went to the Universal Studios where she insisted she only sat next to Auntie Sarah.

Here you can see her eating with chopsticks

( "Nenek, don't you know how to eat with chopsticks?" was her comment when I asked for a spoon and fork!)

Her imagination is boundless - her favourite topic is still Totoro, the imaginary cartoon character from a Japanese children's anime. At the Universal Studios store she was eyeing a stationary set and when I asked her whether she wanted it, said " Totoro already bought it for me! But he didn't buy me the Woody Woodpecker." She never said she wanted it, but we all knew that she did.

and a cheeky smile says it all

I try to keep in touch by phone but its a media that Sophie is not really in favor of - she has her moods - sometimes she'll talk and most times she'll just say "No," very decidely. I know that she's not being rude, just a child's way of saying, I guess. when are you visiting me!

I look forward to meeting her again next weekend when Rizal comes over to Malacca. It is just fascinating listening to her talk - better than an adult at times.

" Troy was supposed to come today you know, but he didn't manage to come at the last minute!"

Even my university students wouldn't be able to put together such words - didn't manage to come at the last minute! Where on earth did she pick up such sophisticated language I wonder. From her mum probably. And lastly here is a picture of her drawing - sent to us by her mum via Fb:

Sophia's masterpiece

Explanation for the above - "That's daddy with me, and the  centre one is our apartment. The two cats are not ours - Pixel is too fat so I put him behind . The two women is Jonah and her friend"

"Where's mummy in the picture?"

"Mummy is not in the picture - you are in the office. Today Daddy is with me."