Have you ever had misunderstandings with a dear close friend and for some reason or other allowed it to fester, and it gets bloated out of all recognition and instead of a misunderstanding it becomes a full blown quarrel? Well in my younger days I did have some of these misunderstandings, but normally with my closest friend, that is my sister Laila, a year younger than me. Most of the time it would be over something I said - me and my blabber mouth - and it would have hurt her, something I never intended to happen. The word "sorry" is like glue in my mouth - even though I knew it was my fault, I found it hard to say "I'm sorry". It's the same thing with her - she never says "I'm sorry" too. So we'd just stare daggers at each other and look the other way.
But that was a long time ago and I suppose can be forgiven because both of us were very young and very proud.
Today, at this mature age,what do you do when something like that happens? Do you brush it off and pretend it never happened or apologise profusely and hope she or he would be courteous enough to accept your apology and let bygones be bygones? But sometimes, you can apologise and the apology accepted, but the hard feeling still rankles. You can forgive, but forgetting is quite hard, especially if what was said is really hurtful. It is easy to say that at our age what matters is the friendship, but even then there are some dos and don'ts that you just have to follow. Of course one must never allow the ill feeling to fester - the best thing is to be upfront about it. Tell her that what she said hurts your feelings and then ignore it. Ignoring is not forgetting - you're just sweeping it under the carpet but at least she knows how you feel. The ball is in her court - she can apologise or not. Your act as a friend is after the apology is over, let it be over and forget about it or at least pretend to.
Do you know this verse which I read a long time ago but just can't remember who wrote it? It's called The Poison tree. (Maybe it was Blake)
"I was angry with my friend
I told him so, my wrath did go;
I was angry with my foe
I told him not - my wrath did grow..."
My constant companions wherever I sit - be it in the kitchen or upstairs at the computer, these two will sit with me for hours on end, never bored. But the moment I stand up to go downstairs they are alert and ready to move! Like faithful dogs, they follow me downstairs and wait there - if I am sitting at the kitchen table, they will just curl up on the carpet and sleep or like Mulan, above, stretch herself and see what happens.
